Coming Out: How Lumps In My Breast Confirmed My Healing Priorities - Body First, Finances Second

Light Bodies in Houston, TX (c) Solveig Caroline 2013

More than 2 years ago, I had a day-long meeting with a successful spiritual business coach who had full-blown, late-stage breast-cancer. That night, I found a lump in my breast.

In retrospect, there is nothing surprising about this. It’s a simple process that’s well-known even to high school students: homeostasis, or the internal balancing out of a closed system.

I had hired this coach to help me infuse my start-up business with a lot of energy. In order to get the full benefit, I decided to spend the entire day with her, so that her business success might rub off on me.

From an energy perspective, that is a very reasonable thing to do. I needed to get into her energy space in order to soak up the non-verbal parts of her business success. I had to create a closed system that contained both of us for this to work. And I did, by visiting her. However, I neglected the flipside of the coin: I didn’t take into account that I had a pristinely healed body with an immense abundance of life energy that would RUB OFF ON HER, as well. Or rather, I relied on the assumption that I would share some of my cash and maybe a bit of life energy with her. I never expected her cancer frequency to jump into my body. To be perfectly honest, I only found out that it was a late-stage cancer she was dealing with in early 2015 - I had no clue in 2013 that the malignant growth was already poking through her skin under her clothes.

When I found out about her cancer and her preference for natural/energy healing at the time I booked my VIP day with her in early 2013, I thought: “Oh, ok. Breast cancer. No reason to be alarmed, because that can totally and easily be healed by her being brutally honest with herself, letting go of old toxic stories/relationships/etc, and raising her vibration in all areas of life." And I applauded her for not subjecting her beautiful body to chemotherapy and radiation. To me, this meant she was obviously in vibration raising mode. During the booking process, I also found out from her assistant that my business coach was on a raw food diet at the time. And again, that served to reassure me. Those were things I knew well, and I knew worked.

I made a massive mistake there in 2013 that would cost me dearly in the months and years to come, and derail my start-up business for the better part of 2 years. And more importantly, it would derail my own physical health for a very long time. In fact, it could have easily cost me my life.

Photo credit: unknown. Please contact me if you know who I need to attribute this to. Thanks!

Here’s the mistake I made: I ignored the massive amount of self-hate and destructive thought patterns that are needed to create a late-stage cancer in our bodies in the first place. I simply assumed that because my coach was a spiritual business coach and entrepreneur, she had her inner critic fully under control and cleansed herself of negative thought patterns, exactly the same way I had done it over the years. I assumed that being financially successful with a spiritual topic automatically implied a high degree of self-love. I couldn’t have been more wrong with that wild assumption!

I also underestimated the hidden cancerous growth that I was entertaining in my energy system - in spite of all the clearing and cleansing I had consciously done. Much later, I would realize that this coach's immense resistance to facing her physical cancer was the perfect mirror of my five year old resistance to ending a relationship that was far from the love relationship of my dreams. THAT is what our shared super high energetic activation that day made show up as a lump in my breast... She was a mega catalyst. And I took the hint and changed my life. Drastically.

Until that VIP Coaching Day in the spring of 2013, I had everything going for myself (leaving my love life aside - and even that seemed to be perfectly "normal" when I looked around at friends and co-workers etc). I had just left my at that point uninspiring corporate career (so, that was already gone and therefore out of the question as reason for my lump), liquidated some investments at a profit, and was itching to build a million-dollar coaching business of my own around the topic of sustainable life energy investments.

Which, honestly, is a fancy way of saying I coach high level executives and entrepreneurs to utilize quantum physics in order to reach their goals and create their dreams. Because if we are aware of the rules of the quantum physical universe, and we know how to creatively apply them to achieve our goals, we’ve found the much easier and sustainable (!) way to accomplish anything and everything than what people are conventionally doing (and losing their health, families and happiness over). It was also what I had applied over the years to heal my body naturally and be fit for the stresses of a high octane corporate career, and then to propel myself out of the same corporate career when it had stopped challenging me to grow.

I’m a former professional investor, used to handling tens of millions of Euros or Pounds in client money every single day, and watching over multiples of that. On short notice, with high pressure. I’m also a Reiki Master Teacher, yogini, and natural health enthusiast. I originally learned all those energy/natural healing modalities to help myself recreate health in my body so that I could be successful in my corporate career.

When I talk about enabling physical healing, I mean two things: the removal of energy blockages first, and vibration raising, second.

You’ll notice that these concepts pertain to the light body that surrounds the physical body of any human being. Let me get one thing straight from the start: I am NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL OR WESTERN-TRAINED PHYSICIAN. I CANNOT HEAL YOU. NOR WILL I EVER PROMISE ANYTHING LIKE THAT. In addition, I know that anyone who does promise to make you whole again from the outside doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Even when they’re so-called health experts with multiple doctorate degrees.

In the years of my own suffering through exhaustion, stress and burn-out, I have learned one thing:

We all have the innate ability to flip a switch inside of us that makes our bodies and lives go from focused on decay and death to brilliant energy, health and happiness. But that switch is in the mental and emotional spheres of our being, NOT in the physical. Whatever happens in the physical (body or life in general) is a direct result (manifestation) of the thoughts and feelings we entertain in our minds and hearts.

Kundalini yoga is the practice of reconciling and integrating the three bodies that are the vehicles of our soul: the physical body, the astral body, and the causal body. According to Vedanta philosophy, the physical body is the densest of the three, the causal body the most subtle. Click here for more information on the 3 bodies and 5 koshas (external link).

Most people are only aware of their physical bodies, and therefore limited to Newtonian physics and the widely accepted inevitability of decay and death. This is where conventional Western medicine plays (and kills), as well. It is a finite world that works under the assumption of the zero-sum-game and death as a fact.

The astral body is the one that is accessed by spiritually focused yogis and energy healers, such as acupuncturists, Reiki healers, Qi Gong practitioners, and natural health enthusiasts who cleanse their bodies. These people all have bits and pieces of the quantum physical puzzle figured out. The level of bliss and happiness these people are able to experience is greatly amplified from those who are only aware of their physical existence. However, it is still a finite world, though greatly expanded. Meaning, those following a lifestyle in this area experience the personal freedom to use their bodies joyfully and remain physically active and productive (also able to make money and support themselves in every way) up until a very high age.

Finally, the causal body is one that can only be activated and accessed in the earthly plain through the dedicated and disciplined practice/lifestyle of a sage or modern mystic. Its promise is blissful living through full translation of soul purpose into the two lower bodies. It is, in essence, the practice of bringing heaven to earth, without having to let go of the physical body and without running it down. It is the promise of physical immortality, ie eternal life in the same physical body. It is also a state of being that requires prisitine energetic boundaries, meticulous thought hygiene and a 100% commitment to happiness. Out of the three stages, this is the one that’s toughest to achieve, and toughest to maintain. It is pure quantum physics. It is also the stage of consciousness with the highest overall energetic activation. And that's great as long as your boundaries are fully secure, but can become deadly very quickly if you return to a world that works predominantly on the physical body and pays no or little attention to the quality of internal dialogue and self-love.

My personal goal has always been complete healing of all aspects of my life for myself. I’ve never aimed at becoming a mystic for the sake of it, but seem to be walking that path because it helps me with my dreams... but I always wanted to live in abundance, in a beautiful place, with plenty of cash to spend on whatever my heart desires, in a loving relationship, in perfect physical health and with work that I enjoy.

Yet, the rules for achieving and maintaining all this are vastly different at a high energetic activation and a view of keeping this body for eternity, than they are in mainstream society, where it is highly fashionable to sacrifice physical health and happiness NOW for monetary pursuits. Mainstream society (unconsciously for the most part) lives in the future, not in the moment. My premise has always been that I have to feel good on all levels (body, mind, heart) to achieve maximum worldly success. And I want to feel this way NOW. So, here’s how my approach to life differs from normal practice:

Where the average person will put their health on hold and sacrifice sleep, or have another five cups of coffee as well as a ton of sugary food and even drugs to push through any challenge (say, a tight project deadline or temporary loss of recurring income), I will force myself to stop completely for as long as it takes, and focus on natural healing, until I feel energized enough to move forward.

In the mean time, I work in a very disciplined fashion to remove energy blocks (faulty thought programming and/or physical pain), refuel my mind and body, and THEN blast through the challenge with ease, health and a wide smile on my face.

The downtime normally serves to open my mind back up and increase the flexibility in my approach, too. After even as little as a full night’s sleep, I will make better decisions and find solutions to any problem that simply aren’t available to me when I’m physically/mentally exhausted or in the dumps emotionally.

Also, once I have re-established a high level of well-being and my healthy routines that used to support me in a high powered finance job, I KNOW I can sustainably deliver high quality results and work with lots of pressure without letting it affect me.

So, from my point of view and many years of practical experience, it is a complete waste of energy (and therefore a further step toward chaos, decay and death) to try to solve any problem I encounter out of a state of physical or mental pain, or emotional agony.

That is why rest, yoga, Reiki, meditation, physical cleansing, nutrition high in life force, and the like are so incredibly important to me.

In terms of prioritizing the creation of a million dollar business and dissolving the lump first: what use is a thriving business and a fat bank account to a soul inside a cancer-riddled or dead body, especially when I already know that all the money in the world can't buy me true health?

Returning to the lump I found in my breast in April 2013: I knew that my thought patterns were pretty clean and highly vibrating (ie loving) when I found it. So, it was clear to me that it wasn’t something *I* had actively created in my body and life recently, but rather something that had lain dormant and been activated by the close proximity of my coach. My energy field was wide open that day - on purpose - as I stated in the beginning. So it was only natural that her low physical vibes would balance out with my high physical vibes in the closed system that we were for that one day.

At the time, I didn’t even ask where my lump came from - I simply noted that it hadn't been there in the morning before I left for the VIP Day, and that it was there that night. It’s the classic transmutation: my body took on part of her physical problems to enable the physical survival of our joint system.

I went to work immediately to clear the lump in my breast. Meaning: I began a period of intense, almost frantic, energy clearing and vibration raising to remove all aspects of my life that were vibrating so lowly that somehow my body had been able to go into resonance with her cancer frequency. I finally dared to end my primary relationship of 7 years that had turned toxic. I gave away many of my possessions to stop them from weighing me down. All these activities also meant that I held the space for my coach to move through her immense resistance, take her head out of the sand, and get the mastectomy that was the only thing that would save her given her circumstances. I was doing everything I knew I needed to do - allowing her and others to do what served them best.

While I was clearing everything I could find in my life that was blocking my highest expression and raising my energy levels, I did what I could to get my start-up business off the ground. As you can probably imagine, I wasn’t able to focus on it as much as I would have needed to in order to hit the half million dollar revenues my coach and I had planned for in the first year. Naturally, my primary commitment was to creating a level of energy and a state of flow in my entire being that would literally make it impossible for any cancer to develop in the lump, and eventually dissolve the lump in my body.

It worked - dissolving the lump, that is. But it took a lot of time and attention. Time and attention that subsequently were no longer available for my start-up business.

The whole process would draw a plethora of other issues in its wake. The most challenging was my family of origin. My mother is a Western-trained physician, and would have made me jump through the hoops of Western cancer diagnostics and (cutting-edge) therapy (including toxic chemotherapy and toxic vitamin-supplementation, not to mention the immense fear-mongering inherent in the system), had she had any idea that I had a lump in my breast.

So, I did everything in my power to keep this knowledge from her (and everyone else), and to stay as far away as I could. That worked really well for a time, and allowed me to actually dissolve the lump - until my dwindling financial power and still dormant start-up business forced me back into the embrace of my family of origin.

So, in essence, I made a very conscious decision to temporarily trade my financial power for true physical healing. Shortly after my maternal grandmother had succeeded in killing herself (she hadn’t been able to regain her balance after the death of her husband), I moved back “home,” to regain my financial footing in a while in supposed safe haven.

But it was moving back into the world of Newtonian physics, unhealthy habits on the every level and toxic thought patterns that went largely unreflected. Knowing what I know of quantum physics, and having established routines for myself that allow me to naturally keep my body healthy and cleanse my thoughts and energetic space all the time, there was no way I could conform to the expectations of how I should live that my mother entertained. I found myself supported on the one hand, but on the other hand under constant surveillance and meticulous scrutiny. Yet I was physically and mentally too weak to consider alternative routes at this point.

Many of my routines looked and felt foreign to my mother and her husband. And not only did she not approve, she tried pushing her latest medical knowledge (mostly theory!) on me, and grew increasingly frustrated when I continued to categorically block it all. I didn't do that to be stubborn, but because from the energy point of view it would have hindered my progress and healing even more, by further lowering my overall frequency, when I knew what I needed for healing was to raise my frequency!

Now, my mother and I clearly live in different paradigms. And no, this is nobody’s fault. It just means we have very different life paths, and therefore different lifestyle choices.

I've gone through the paradigm shift at one point, and have trained myself to honor these differences and to not interfere, especially knowing from experience that I can’t change anyone’s mindset from the outside. We live in a world of free will, after all. I realize that the same favor was a bit too much to ask from a woman driven by uncontrolled/unreflected maternal instincts, and one who has spent all her working life as an external health expert, pushing  supposed cures (cosmetic fixes at best, from my pov) on patients looking for exactly that. But that’s just not me!

I have long since trained myself to operate like a mystic and in full embrace of quantum physics. Naturally, I’ve spent years doing that. And it was a mostly silent and invisible process, one that required lots of deep introspection and brutal honesty with myself. I normally don't walk around shouting "I'm highly spiritual, and have adjusted my decision-making criteria and daily routines accordingly!!!" You'd never know if you met me in the street. Or in an office. It's not something that lends itself to easy dinner conversation. - Especially with non-believers, or those who religiously believe in aspects of a supposed science they never care to explore to the very end (ie into the deepest depths of quantum physics).

My mother - bless her heart - is just beginning to complement her Western medical training with energetic modalities. She operates much more in the Newtonian sphere, still, probably out of decade-long habit, mostly, and with a lack of experience/imagination of the miracles that are possible in the quantum physical world. So, without wanting to sound condescending (but probably managing to anyway), her latest realizations were all yesterday’s news to me. There’s a place for her work, too, and I’m sure she helps many of her patients very well.

I’d love for us to be able to talk openly and laugh together. But unwittingly, my desire to heal my relationship with her, and at least on the surface humor her desperate attempts to beat me back into a shape and into behavior that she understands and feels comfortable with, first of all severely curtailed the energy I had available to jumpstart my business while I was living with her. And in the end, exposing myself to her endless disappointment in me and her acute lack of confidence in and paralyzing fear of my way of living had me recreate a lump in the very same breast. That’s not an environment that I can afford to be a part of any more. So, I had to remove myself from my mother’s life. Completely.

At this point, it has become a question of life and death. And I love my life and this body very much. After all, during my NDE in May 2013, I chose to come back into this body, for the pure joy of living. So, of course, I made the ultimate SELF-ish decision to put myself first. Additionally, I found myself back at square one: dropping almost everything as I had done in 2013 to dissolve this second lump. Bye bye business profits. For even longer. And this time around, I had to work even more diligently, and in greater isolation than before, because my boundaries had become so weak, and I hadn’t had much of the deliriously happy experiences (very helpful in raising vibration!) that I’d managed to create in my life in 2012/2013.

Luckily, God (or Universe) always takes care of us, and often in ways that we don’t expect. So, I found a place away from my mother’s house that I managed to turn into my healing sanctuary. And once again, I was able to dissolve the lump.

It is there that I finally had the peace and quiet to write down large chunks of my experience. This written wisdom will eventually be turned into a real book that I am going to publish with Balboa Press, and it serves as the basis for my Energy Investment Academy.

I can’t wait to finally launch this one-of-a-kind Academy and share all my wisdom from the wide range of topical areas I've explored in my life in practical study-at-home e-courses that anyone can download! My goal is to create a multi-level, modular educational program that offers courses for every level of experience and every budget. My dream is to ultimately offer both very focused instruction for particular challenges, as well as the depth and breath of training required for living fully in the causal body and attaining immortality for those few who are interested and willing to walk their personal version of the path of the modern mystic.

I already offer high level individual coaching for those who urgently want to get a head start - click here to find out more.

The concepts I apply every day of my life are no secret, nor are they new. And they work. Especially when you're able to creatively mix and match for maximum benefit in every moment. It takes a very repetitive practice, a lot of faith, and simply knowing how quantum physics works on all levels. I know YOU can learn all this, and apply it to change your life in the direction of self-love, too, so that you can live the most happy, healthy and productive life you can imagine.

I'd love to know: how would you decide if faced with a similar set of choices? Please leave a comment below with your thoughts and/or questions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

With love & gratitude,

PS: Here are the links to a brief English language interview about curing cancer within weeks by natural means and an hour-long German language interview about instinct-based medicine with motivational coach (Dr.) Leonard Coldwell. In the latter, he talks about the profiteering in cancer, the overriding power of the human mind, and the necessity to reactivate the individual inner healer through motivating people again. The content is highly fascinating - enjoy with an open mind and critical thinking.

Please note: While much of what he says about cancer and the medical establishment resonates with my personal experience, I do not agree with everything he says, nor have I verified his success rate. Also, he may be healthier than average for his age, but shows physical signs of progressive and unattended aging nonetheless (might have to do with the underlying assumption that death is inevitable, as far as I can tell - or the level of fear inherent in his discussion of every little conspiracy theory on his US website - in any case, he's definitely not applying all quantum physical rules as I know them)... With regards to his statements about Dr. Bernie Siegel, I can second those completely, as I personally know Bernie and his work. But that's material for a separate post. :-D