Catalyst for a Clearly Expressed Authenticity

Dear readers, since I have had to deal with a few obviously ill-intentioned posts both on my website and on the eMateria Facebook page, I have decided to approve all comments before they get published. I hope for your understanding and very much look forward to many constructive exchanges. 

Here’s my answer to the stalker and the anonymous commentator(s):




Dear AA/Jennifer Buttermilch,
Dear Stalker,

thank you for the lessons all of you (although there may be only one of you) are bringing into my life right now. I guess each and every blogger who is brave enough to put out an opinion, a name and a face in public has to deal with this kind of experience at least once. It’s life’s way of asking:

“Are you sure you want to do this? Are you ready for this level of authenticity and scrutiny?” - To which I answer: yes, yes and YES.



I am grateful this is happening early on in my blogging & coaching life, so that I may embrace the experience and thus eliminate it for the future. Just like I’ve embraced the CFA exam this year and passed... but that’s a different blog post.


I’m also grateful that you chose me to play an important role in your life: that of holding up the mirror in front of your face. Let’s face it: your anger is not about me. It is fully about you.

I’ll tell you up front that this is the only time I will write a post like this, and my last answer, simply to lay out the way eMateria works. And I absolutely do not expect a response. These are your questions to ponder in silence and in communion with your SELF. My gift to you, after gracefully accepting yours to me.

AA or Jennifer Buttermilch, in your first comments that you sent three times and had blocked each time, you ask furiously why I deleted your comments from that weekend, which I originally allowed. You’ve voiced similar anger in recent Facebook messages.
Several reasons:

1. You post anonymously, deleberately waging a verbal war against someone who has made herself and her beliefs transparent. But you do it from the safety of your dark abode somewhere in Frankfurt (yes, I can trace you), without ever showing your face or real name.
   
   Now I ask you, where’s the honor in that? If you’re so certain that you’re right and I am wrong, then what are you afraid of?

 I tell you straight out that I will not allow anonymous posts regardless of content on my site or Facebook page. Period. I show my face and you show yours, or you don’t get to play. 


   
   eMateria is built as a playground of light and love, not darkness and hate.
   
   
2. Which brings me to the next point: eMateria is my blog and website. My vision, my dream. And my vision and dream simply do not include providing a stage for someone who apparently gets his buttons pushed by my opinion and choice of life. I’m not doing all this beautiful and important work to allow anyone to just lash out at me out of their own disappointment and insecurity. I also don’t allow it to distract those who appreciate my offerings from their path. As a friend of mine put it fittingly: I do not aspire to be anybody’s doormat. 

This is again about boundaries, which I blogged about here.
   
   My vision and dream also do not include giving a coaching (and a free one at that) to people who obviously are not ready to have an honest and close look at what is in disarray in their lives. I also do not rely on imprinting my world views on anyone. Whoever sees value in my free and/or paid services will place their orders out of their own free will.
   
   Also, I know from experience that the kind of deep soul searching eMateria stands for can be excruciatingly painful when first starting. But it is so rewarding once you’ve come out on the other side! And if it’s that painful to anyone, I would seriously consider asking for professional help. Or at least take a course in anger management.


   
   My vision and dream do include constructive conversations about values and about different lifestyles. After all, it would be naïve to assume that everything works exactly the same for everyone. Having a clear opinion doesn’t make me or anyone else a missionary, either. On the contrary, I’m more than happy to allow and respond to blog comments that respectfully deal with all these differences. And those that ask honest questions instead of bogus ones that are only meant as a provocation. The key word here is respect. And an appreciation of the different life choices out there.

eMateria is a platform created to positively inspire those who choose to use it.
   
   And I have great tolerance and curiosity for otherness. 

Now I ask you: does the way of an anonymous bad mouther allow for all that?
   
   
3. I respect and honor the free will of every human being. I realize that when it comes to expressing my views, the challenge starts were my path crosses yours, or anyone else’s. How we deal with this setup is an entirely different question and determines whether it’s war or peace. I know I will always choose peace. And avoid shouting matches whenever possible. Because that is how I choose to live.


   
   Let me ask you this, AA/Jennifer Buttermilch: is it not your free will to access my site and read the content I post? I don’t remember forcing you to engage with me. I don’t even know who you are (just yet)!


Dear Stalker: thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding me very clearly the importance of fully owning my voice. I hope you had nothing else in mind when you emailed my name and website to my employer’s press office in early August?

Thankfully (never thought I would say this!), I have previous experience with a stalker and emotional blackmail. Statistics show that these people tend to know their targets quite well. True to form, my previous stalker was an ex-boyfriend. Having worked through that devastating experience almost exactly ten years ago, I have no problem contacting the authorities for help if need be. I did it then, but only after long deliberation; I will do it again - in a heartbeat, this time. But I’m hoping very much I won’t have to.

Again, thank you for the lessons you’ve just helped me integrate. To me, sitting with experiences and acknowledging them for what they really are, good or bad as they may seem at first glance, is the only way to change and move forward in life. It’s the fuel for development of a deeper authenticity. And I personally cherish every opportunity for developing that. Aho!

Love and light,

Solveig