Almost everyone I know seems to be thinking about or struggling with this topic of boundaries and why they are necessary or not. I’m also just getting clearer on how I can lovingly set boundaries in my life for the benefit of all involved.
Can we think of boundaries as a tool on the mental plane that we need in duality to define the "I" from the "you"? As a kind of tool of conscious thinking to enable the next developmental step?
To me, the Eastern philosophies are very much coming from a place of love and holistic experience, hence no need for explicit boundaries. On the face if it, much of Western thought is still fear-based and exclusively reliant on the mind. However, if we look at our genius physicists (I'm a huge Einstein fan), for instance, the quest to define the smallest part of the material world (setting boundaries of the atom, nucleus, electrons, photons, quarks, etc.) inevitably leads them to talk about energy fields and interconnectedness. Or about the wave/particle phenomenon of photons, depending on how the observer looks at this particle of light.
I guess what I am saying is, to me, boundaries and integration are necessary and in no way contradicting elements of the human experience of duality and human awakening to oneness.
Let’s just face it: if I don’t have healthy boundaries in place, anyone can walk all over me anytime. And I might think I deserve it, too. - And that is simply not right. It would turn my ideal of CREATING my own destiny back to REACTING to my destiny.
When I create my destiny, it is mine, I am in full power. When I react to my destiny, it has been created by someone else and I am weak and defensive...
Not a place I want to go again. So, healthy boundaries are mandatory! And not just for me. For everyone.
I’ve had a lively heart to heart discussion with a few participants of my 8-week Reiki Chakra Journey program about this topic. And it turns out, even for those of us who deal with spiritual topics on a daily basis, it is difficult to set healthy boundaries. Maybe that is precisely because we deal with the concept of overcoming duality in favor of unity every day. After all, if everything is connected, and we really are all one, why should one still need to set boundaries?
The answer is surprisingly simple: because we are meant to. If you’ve already discovered your spiritual side, the following will be nothing new to you. However, if this is your first encounter with this topic, please be patient with yourself, open yourself up to these ideas, instead of leaving this blog and saying it is all bogus. I’m just asking for an open mind, no less, no more.
Spiritual beings making a human experience that we are, we have on a soul level agreed to forget unity and experience duality and separation consciousness with all its traps and hooks. So that we may find the way back to unity consciousness. Thinking about this, it becomes quite logical: we are born into separate physical entities that we call our bodies. Each and every one of us has their own dwelling. This physical separation defines our playing field here on earth.
So, why should we set more boundaries consciously, if the goal is unity, you ask? In this separation, as defined by our physically separate bodies, we need a mental state that enables us to function within the myriad of different human bodies that have wondered the Earth thus far. For this challenging discussion, I like to look at the mind as the bridge between physical plane and spiritual plane. On the spiritual plane, we are all one. On the physical plane, we are all separate, albeit connected (via all sorts of energetic fields, air etc.). On the mental plane, we can understand both states of being, and the mind is also needed to make sure the right frame of mind is applied to right experience.
Unless we use our minds to set healthy boundaries for the interaction with other “separate” entities, be that human beings or TV shows or animals, work situations or anything else, really, we will allow our life energy to be drained. It can feel like an outright attack of energy drainers at times. I’m sure you know what I am talking about.
So, rather than using our minds after the energy drain as the fire brigade and then to rationalize as to why the other person or event had every right to deplete our energetic supplies, why not use our minds to create the outcome we like: imagine what it would be like to be totally respected, attract the kind of behavior we wish, withdraw from interactions when we’ve had enough or feel like doing something else?
Let’s behave lovingly with ourselves. Nobody else will do it unless we start first. Realize: we do hold the keys to our destiny, individually and as a whole. And “In practicing our unique individuality we can become the answer to a collective need.”* - That, to me, calls for clearly defined boundaries.
Let’s be ourselves, truly and fully. Let us acknowledge and enforce our boundaries lovingly. And make the world a better place for it. It all starts inside of every single person. Let us be the change we want to see.
Love and light,
*Quote from Evolutionary Earth Ascending’s photo caption
Solveig Caroline originally studied and practiced energetic healing modalities to "job-proof" her body and mind, when she found herself in a full-blown burnout while working on Wall Street. Her passionate curiosity about natural/spiritual healing and intense desire to share the treasure trove of insights & lessen the burden on other highly ambitious and madly busy souls had her establish eMateria in 2012.
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